He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
