Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
