sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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