Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
