i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
