News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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