Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
