for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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