in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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