i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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