i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
