just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
