I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
