it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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