There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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