What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
