have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
