then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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