I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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