Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
