I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
