omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
