woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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