mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
