y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
