$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
