Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
