wanna go halves on a baby?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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