she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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