I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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