it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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