I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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