I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
