DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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