I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
