I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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