Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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