I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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