i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
