I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
birth control should be required to get into college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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