Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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