Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
