Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
