No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My balls are so social today.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
