What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
