I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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