He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
