apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize