Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize