If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize