So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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