My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
