sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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