I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
