I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
