I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
