thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
