do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
