Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
