I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
