he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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