pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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