whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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