I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
