Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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