I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
