Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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