y did u give ur computer a hand job?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
