Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
