you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
