booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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