so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
